Times Like These, Learn to Love Again
by LaueHime
Summary: One shot. Tag to 9x07 *Bad boys*. "There is nothing past or present that I would put in front of you". It all came into perspective now as Sam finds out everything Dean has sacrificed for him. At that moment, the only thing he can think about is how grateful he is. And he needs Dean to know that. *The boys' POV through the final scenes of the episode*. Brotherly schmoop.


**A/N: It couldn't wait guys. I had to write this as soon as I finished watching tonight's episode (Holy cow I cried so much! That ending part was just amazing!). Really, it doesn't even really have a plot. It follows the show but I've added the boys' POVs. I hope you're going to like it! This is how I interpreted the ending part and what it truly meant for the boys. It's so schmoopy, I cried my way through writing it! Really it's pure brotherly schmoop!**

**Summary: One shot. Tag to 9x07 *Bad boys*. "There is nothing past or present that I would put in front of you". It all came into perspective now as Sam finds out everything Dean has sacrificed for him. At that moment, the only thing he can think about is how grateful he is. And he needs Dean to know that. *The boys' POV through the final scenes of the episode*. Major schmoop.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters. I've borrowed many dialogues from the actual episode. But I'm not making any profits out of this, just having fun!**

**So take out your tissues and enjoy this short story!**

**SPN**

Dean's heart raced as Robin kissed his cheek goodbye. She was the first woman he'd ever loved. The only one he felt safe next to and the only one he would've let into his life. He'd led this life for two months, years ago – which actually felt like another lifetime. Then he had to disappear. Her earlier words still echoed in his mind. _Trust you? How could I do that again?_

He watched her climb back up the steps of the porch. Timmy was waiting there too. Dean had grown fond of the kid. Saying goodbye was painful. Dean would have never thought it would be. Not in his kind of life. He was used to leaving all the time without saying goodbye. Getting attached was not something he did. Yet, there was something about this place. Probably memories from the past.

He turned around and met Sonny by the side of the Impala. The man was grateful for the help the Winchesters had provided in getting rid of the ghost. For the brothers, it could've been just another job but for Dean it was more than that. Maybe he felt a sense of duty, repaying the man who'd offered him shelter and peace all those years ago.

He'd be missing him. And according to the man, Dean would be missed too.

So they promised to meet again.

Sam stood on the side, almost feeling like the third wheel. He'd just found out about his brother having spent some time in a boys home. Dean had never cared to tell him that much. Sam heard that actually, their dad was in charge of that decision. The whole deal had been quite uncomfortable and the youngest had to learn things he didn't know about his brother. But still, hiding things was just something they did.

Sam would have never thought that Dean could have wanted a way out from the family business. He thought it was just him. He was supposed to be the one with a "mind of his own".

When Sonny left, Dean couldn't even look his brother in the eyes. He tried but quickly drove his eyes back to the ground. Now was not the time for the questions and banter. He'd rather forget it for the night before it got too personal or before Sam started getting nosy.

He walked around the car and pushed everything aside. He focused his head back into the game, expecting Sam to come up with something.

His brother did. He wanted to know how Dean knew how to get rid of the ghost. He laughed because really, he hadn't known. Lucky guesses were his forte. Most of the time.

Until luck left him.

That's when Sam made a comment about Dean getting lucky when he first got into the boys home. His best efforts to keep the subject away died along with the smile on his face. Now it was coming.

Sam cut his eyes at him. "…And here I was thinking this was the worst part of your life and it turns out it was the best" he admitted, sighing deeply. His tone held disappointment but it wasn't much towards the fact that Dean had lied to him. It wasn't the fact that he'd never told him about any of it either.

Sam was disappointed because he realized his brother had something he enjoyed once. A comfortable place with an inspiring father figure and a girl he loved. He'd always thought his brother only cared about their family and about following his dad's orders. He even thought Dean never questioned their father because he agreed with him. Turns out Dean could've gotten out too. He had the chance.

Sam himself had the chance to get out and he did. When he had the chance to leave and go to Stanford, he did. Dean could've left too. But he didn't. And he hated the feeling of knowing that Dean probably stayed for him. How much had his brother sacrificed for him?

Realization dawned upon him and he sighed. He felt bad for his brother. He felt responsible.

"Why did you ever leave?" he finally dared to ask even though he had a feeling that he knew the answer.

Dean grimaced and shrugged. He acted cool and detached though. Sam tried to read through it but his brother was just the best liar he knew. If he'd kept this from him for so many years, what else had he been hiding?

"It never felt right" Dean finally replied. Instantly, his gaze slipped to the side and wouldn't meet Sam's again.

Sam looked at his brother with an incredulous, almost accusatory look.

"Really?" he asked, not convinced at all by his brother's assurance.

Dean was shaking his head now. He didn't want to have to convince his brother when he could hardly convince himself.

"It was two months, Sam. I couldn't wait to get out of here. I don't know what to tell you… it wasn't me" he finally explained. His tone was pretty convincing despite it all.

Sam frowned and finally nodded, bowing his head as if pulling away from the subject because he was out of arguments to fight back. He taped his fingers nervously on the top of the car and finally nodded, pulling the door of the car open before sliding inside.

Dean opened his own door but something made him stop and look back at the old place. That's when the memories came back to him. His body was standing there but his mind was back to that night. The night of the dance.

It was the first time in his life that he was actually doing well like every normal guy his age. After moving in with Sonny, he'd gotten his way into school and really enjoyed himself for the first time. He was doing his homework and getting good grades; he'd even made friends and managed to get himself in the wrestling team.

But the most important thing to him, or the most important person, was Robin. They'd been hanging out together for a while and he was in love. For the first time in his life, he wasn't looking at a chick or some random girl he wanted to score with.

She wasn't any of his pornographic fantasies. After his mom died, he couldn't bring himself to love any other woman in fear of being hurt again.

But she was different. She made him feel safe and she cared about what he really wanted. Deep down, he felt as if she saw him for who he really was and not who he tried to be to impress his dad. He had invited her to the dance and he really meant it when he did. To him it was more than that. He was letting her in, something he never let anybody do.

With her, he was allowed to be himself. He didn't have to be a smartass to impress her. She liked him even when he was vulnerable. It's not that he didn't miss his little brother and his dad but what he had there, it was really his. For once in his life, he had what he deserved and worked to get it.

Sonny had been more of a father to him than John had in a long time. He'd been kind, generous and mostly, he kept reminding Dean of how proud he was to see him so improved. It made him want to be a better person too. It even made him want to wear a tie and not feel _completely_ stupid about it.

When he saw the man enter his room, he wanted to make him see that. To make him see how much he changed, how much of a better person he was. He was even ready to go to a school dance for crying out loud! But instead of giving him advices and telling him everything would be okay if he trusted himself like the man usually did, Sonny was there to tell Dean that his father had come pick him up.

That's when Dean's façade crumbled. He'd built a life there. In just so little time, he'd found a girlfriend and a place he could almost call home. It wasn't like the Impala or his family but at least it was his.

Now his father had come to take it away.

His dreams, his hopes, his love… he would have to turn it down and go back to being the good soldier. He would have to become the great big brother again and go back to taking care of Sammy. But when would anyone take care of him? He had that now. Why did he have to leave this behind?

What hurt him the most was that John hadn't wanted to hear anything. There were no compromises to be made. His dad wouldn't let him go to the dance or even say goodbye to the girl he loved. He had a job to do and that's the only behavior that would be tolerated from his authoritative father. His real father.

The one who'd left him behind two months prior. The one who said he could rot in jail for stealing that food.

As Sonny put it, he'd been given a second chance at life when he got into that place. He was offered a way out, a redemption. Dean had changed for the better. Now he was supposed to just give it away?

But somehow, the moment he saw the twelve year-old kid in the car, his heart warmed up and a sad smile crept up his lips. His father's message was "you have a job" and he was supposed to know what that meant.

Well now he knew what that really meant. It had nothing to do with hunting. His real job was one that had started long before the hunts. He'd been given that job when he was just four years old. His job was to take care of Sammy. It had always been and would always be his responsibility.

Sam didn't have to suffer like he did and he would make sure, from that moment and on, that his little brother would never get to know the pain he felt at being drilled like a miniature sergeant. He'd make sure Sam got to live his dreams even if that meant sacrificing his own.

At that moment he knew what he had to do and that's how he solemnly shook Sonny's hand and thanked him for everything. His job was clear now and he would put in into action as soon as he got back to his old life.

Dean snapped back to reality as the last remnants of the memory faded away. His eyes were haunted and fixated still. How could he forget everything that he had given up that night?!

But in an instant, everything worthwhile that happened ever since came back to him. How he stood up for his brother when the kid wanted to do something. His dad might have hated him in those times but to Sam, Dean was a real hero. A superhero – even though he didn't wear the cape.

Sam had managed to go to college and do things he liked. He'd lived his dreams and survived so many times because times and times again Dean sacrificed everything in order to keep his brother safe.

He'd even sacrificed the fate of the world to keep his brother alive – even though that took the aid of an angel.

The point is, even to this day, Dean had never forgotten that job. He'd never failed to do it either. When he begged Sam in that church, when he told him that there was _nothing past or present that he would put in front of him_, that's what he meant and that's how it all came into perspective.

He'd even put his own life, dreams and love behind to put Sam up front. His kid brother was his top priority. Always been and always will be.

He finally sat down in the car. Sam's head was turned away so Dean couldn't see the tears in his eyes.

In that short moment, Sam had pretty much came up with that same conclusion. He'd seen the way Dean was with Sonny. How he looked up to him like the old man was his own father. He'd seen the way he looked at Robin. How he truly cared about her and how it really affected him when she pretended she didn't remember him.

Dean wasn't one to run after his one night occasions. But this time he truly cared. As if something really happened between those two all those years ago. He'd seen the tenderness between them too. How they were truly more comfortable when the other was around.

And Sam just knew. The boys home was Dean's Flagstaff, his Stanford and Robin was his Jess. Only, he'd given up on all of that to get back to his family. To get back to him.

He felt incredibly sorry and guilty for being the one to take all of that away from his brother. He realized how much Dean had sacrificed for him and thought back to their argument in the church. Dean's words echoed in his mind. _There is nothing past or present that I would put in front of you_. How could he have not seen this? After all those years, after all the shit he said about Dean not caring about him.

His brother sacrificed _everything_. He'd died for him – more than once.

Sam's heart clenched and he was quickly overwhelmed with gratitude and love.

"Dean" he said, turning his head around. He still didn't look towards his brother yet.

"Thank you" he finally said, still looking in front of him, not daring to meet his brother's eyes yet.

Dean's head snapped to the side, his eyes wide in surprise. Was Sam really thanking him for what he thought he was thanking him for? Did his brother come to the same conclusions he came up with?

"For what?" he asked after blinking a couple of times.

"For always being there… for having my back" Sam confessed, finally turning to look his brother in the eyes.

Dean was at a loss of words. He sat there, staring at his brother, his bottom lip shaking ever so lightly.

"I know it hasn't always been easy" Sam added.

Dean closed his mouth and swallowed. He was frowning first then his brow relaxed as he finally made a pouty grimace. He chose that moment to shrug and close his eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about" he replied, the corners of his lips turning into a smile.

Sam smiled slightly.

Dean nodded and turned his head back towards the front of the car. Sam slammed his door closed and Dean finally put the Impala into gear.

Even though Dean had denied Sam's statement and turned it into a joke, both boys knew they were on the same page now. Sam was grateful and Dean was happy.

Because no matter what he sacrificed, there was one thing that really felt right. This home hadn't been his. He wasn't really himself there. There was no normal apple-pie life when you were a hunter and Dean could only truly be himself when he was taking care of Sam because that was his real job.

It had always been and would always be.

The boys home wasn't his home.

The Batcave wasn't truly his home either.

Sam was his home.

THE END

**There it is. It's short and cheesy but it was the sweetest thing I wrote in a long time. That episode was a really good reminder of what the show truly is all about. That brotherly moment was long overdue. I hope you liked it, please tell me what you thought! I love to hear from you!**

**Take care!**


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